Everyone Has a Dream! #Empowering Families

When we are children we look at the world through the eyes of children, and when we are adults we look at the world through adult eyes. It gets a little complicated when the children become adults and become parents and become a family. Each person in a family has a different perspective according to their life experience and age. But their perspective is valid, and far too many times parents become totalitarian in their approach to their children. But children have dreams, too, and their parents still have dreams not only for themselves but also for their families. Everyone is still a child at heart!

Each family member has needs and wants, and children need to express those needs and wants as well. Every member of a family has an invested interest to be happy and to make their family happy as well, and it isn’t always easy.

And money always enters into family matters. Parents tend to control the money, or not control the money, from the beginning of their family life. Children not only do not learn how to work with money, they are many times excluded from the decision making process for the family. It is no wonder that as the children grow into adults decision making i not always smooth and loving. This is one of the reasons that through my company Empower Excellence I created “Empowering Families”.

“Empowering Families” is not a secret formula, but it is a formula: COMMUNICATE, COMPROMISE, and COLLABORATE. Learning how to do the formula with children from a young age allows the parents to educate and retain necessary control until the children begin to feel and act like a part of the family in decisions involving their lives and the resources of the family. It is a learned process, and it may be a process that parents never learned in their own families for many reasons. Maybe it is time for all to learn this formula through practical use and maybe a little coaching. Stay tuned for more on this innovative concept!

who is generation z?

Timing

Were you born between 1996 and 2010?  You are Generation Z!  

In working toward creating a Family Legacy of Financial Wellness, I am learning so much!  I know that none of my children or grandchildren are Generation Z.  So, without any bias, I can discuss this here as a part of my Legacy thinking.  

Generation Z are very young pragmatists!  They are resolute, smart, hardworking, and entrepreneurial.  They have experienced our first black president in the United States.  They know they can change the world!  They have experienced a major recession with great economic instability and they may be headed into their second right now!  They have experienced great growth in the stock market numbers.  They are now experiencing some major pullbacks.  They have experienced the election of a president no one thought could win.  His promise was to “Make America Great Again”.  Generation Z will help determine much of what the future days hold in all of these areas.  

Generation Z is powerful for by 2020 they will represent 40% of the consumers.  They strive for and demand excellence in brands.  They are the “pivotals” as described by Jeff Fromm and Angie Read in their MARKETING TO GEN Z book.  They look at price and value.  They have been mobile since birth; but they are old souls in young bodies.  They actually trust their parents.  

Their values include diversity, equality, collaboration, and earned success.  At the same time, they are obsessed with their social life, they care but are not connected, and they have social media but their use is questionable.  They live IRL “In Real Life”, and their FOMO “Fear of Missing Out” and FOLO “Fear of Living Offline” is real.  Facebook is not dead to them, but they scroll more than they post.  They get their info from Twitter!  They also lead Instagram which inspires them!  Snapchat is their go to app.  

Their influence is also at home even with the changing family structure.  They influence family decisions.  They want to know real people rather than celebrities.  Their brand is “ME” and want to be understood, seen, and grow.  They listen to be heard.  They are empowered consumers in their society of conscious capitalism.

They are a generation to be involved in a Family Legacy of financial wellness…I hope we are all listening to them so that we may all be heard as we move into our futures!

Our Unlived Lives…Money is No Excuse

Go for it girl

No matter if you are a woman or a man, everyone has at least one female in their life!  I am not being sexist in this message…women tend to give up what they want in their lives, and many times it is because of “money”; at least that is their excuse!   And I do want to share a quote from Carl Gustav Jung:  ” Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.”  

It is no surprise that we tend to live the outward life, and then there is an inner life which is what we truly think and want.  Money can be a wall of resistance between the two.  There is a resolution, but many will still resist.  “GO FOR IT”, go for the inner desires, wishes, dreams, and wants.  Quit making money your scapegoat!  Stop, breathe, think, and figure it out.  You can do it if you truly want it…the question is DO YOU REALLY WANT IT?

End Blaming Your Parents!

woman-crying older jpeg

We are all connected; consequently, we all have an impact on each other!  And it is oh so true when it comes to family, especially our parents.  And it is a long held family tradition for children to blame parents for everything wrong in their lives.  On the other hand, many parents blame their children for all that has gone wrong in their own lives.  Oh my!  What is wrong with this picture?

I am no different than anyone else with this.  I did come from a dysfunctional family, and it took me years to disassociate from the dysfunction and move on in my life.  I think I am pretty much there today.  While I do not blame my children for things in my life, there are certain factors that are true and did affect where my life is today.  That is enough about that.  

It is time to break the cycle, and it is not that difficult to do if you take it moment by moment and day by day.  Being conscious, living in the now, all of those wonderful things that really are true and do work, are to be kept in mind.  But it takes time.  It takes self exploration.  It takes being silent enough to finally learn who you are.  But the time to break the cycle is when you have children.  Amen!

Especially when it comes to money, stop using your parents as an excuse.  It is ok to recognize their influence on you, especially when you are raising children.  If you think they made big mistakes about money, it is time to stop making the same mistakes.  You can use your parents as an example with your children if you do it with love and pure intent.  Raising children is nowhere to be malicious.  Keep in mind memories like the graphic above when you may have witnessed the emotional toll fighting, especially about money, took on your parents and on you!  The emotional impact does not go away.  It stays in the DNA of children forever, and, while they may overcome it with professional help and self exploration, seeing a parent tormented about money remains with us.

Do you want your children to carry those memories with them?

Take responsibility for you and your family and your money and learn the ways to help children grow up with a good relationship with money.  What I have found is that when the children are learning from their parents, the parents are also learning from their children.

I’m About to Lose Control, and…

Money is not the problem jpeg

I think I hate it!.  Anyone who has children knows that the idea of being in control as a parent is a major waste of energy.  You can think you are in control, but you are not!  Money is the same way.  It really is.  You can have control or you can have your dreams…I know of no one who achieved their dreams by being totally in control.  I work with money relationships every day; and some days, my money relationship goes totally out of my control.  And it is totally frustrating.  I would like to share the advice I use on “me”…  Really.  Stop, Breathe, Meditate, and Move On.  Yes, it is a little bit of time spent gathering your inner control, and it works.  It stops the insanity and lets you patiently and peacefully allow the solution to appear.  It always does.

Put together your money relationship and children and it becomes totally unmanageable.    Just thought I would throw that in there!  

I think control is useful with your money relationship, but I think the terminology should be “flexible spending plan.”  When you know what your income is, what your needs are, what your wants are, then you can figure out how to achieve your dreams.  Sometimes you need to get a little loose, a little chipper, with the spending plan to be able to get to the dreams.  Think about it, a happy state of mind can make all of the difference for your brain to become creative with your money.  It works a lot better than crying and sulking.  Think of it as you would dealing with a child.  Drama never achieves control with children; it just gives you drama back!  Money is the same way!

 And, just like children, money needs a little love:  

  • take a deep breath to make you relax before acting
  • the breath helps you reset; now begin to create new habits that make you feel better
  • once in a while, just let the thoughts about money go!  You have taken a breath; now take a break
  • if your dark side gets a little too dark, stop, breath, meditate, and take a nap!
  • It always works with kids!

jan@empowerexcellencewithjan.com

Awareness of The Changes…

Butterfly Effect

HOW AWARE ARE YOU OF HOW MUCH YOU HAVE CHANGED TO BECOME WHO YOU ARE?

There are positives and negatives that affect us from the moment of birth.  They both affect how we become who we are, and they both have a role in our success as women in our lives.

My father was my positive influence with his hard-working entrepreneurial spirit.  A government auditor by day, a high school graduate, who became a self-educated electronics guru for his day building all kinds of electronic equipment and fixing friends’ televisions and radios and record players.   I got to go along on these repair calls…  My father was the one who taught me my love of books, the feel of the pages, the wealth of information they held, and the wondrous place a library was–you could get as many books as you could carry for “free”!  I still have a book addiction to this day!

My mother was the negative influence in my life.  She was totally unsupportive of education.  It was a constant battle with her to buy books, magazines, and to “go to college”.  She was an angry person about so many things.  She was a lousy cook.  She had no sense of current events other than “what the neighbors were saying”.  She had an influence on me as well.  I am not the friendliest neighbor; I prefer my privacy, I am all about “peace”.  I am an accomplished cook.  I have run government offices, been in politics, and read a newspaper or two daily.

Both parents influenced me — neither parent was affectionate in words or actions.  I have to work at intimacy on all levels.

Yes, they both had their effect on me, and both influenced my drive for success!  I am aware of the changes I have had to go through in my transformation.  The butterfly has become a symbol of my life.  I was not aware that I was a butterfly when I was the unattractive caterpillar.  But I have become aware over the many years, and it is now my mission and passion to use my peace and power to empower other women to become excellent, to become butterflies in their own right…and then to empower them to fly!

Butterfly Transformation HOPE

thankful for 2015!

http://www.empowerexcellencewithjan.com

empower excellence logo_no text

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE Saying THE BANK OF MOM AND DAD IS CLOSED!

SR Broke SeniorTHE BANK OF MOM AND DAD IS CLOSED

THE BANK OF MOM AND DAD IS CLOSED!  THE BANK OF MOM AND DAD IS CLOSED!

A loving family is something we all work towards, want, and nurture…we are always parents, and our children are always our children no matter how old they are or how old we are!

Economic conditions sometimes call upon that family connection to take care of each other.  But, when adult children continue to be children looking to family to continually support their lives, it can become a problem.  Parents are living longer and need their money longer.  If financial drains become financial sewers, it may be time to sit down as a family to discuss a Family Spending Plan.

Each family member has their own needs, their own wants, and their own dreams.  Each family member is to be respected in this communication.  But then, the FAMILY Needs, Wants, and Dreams need to be considered while respecting the individual family members’ needs, wants, and dreams.  It is now when COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE within the family needs to be uppermost in each person’s conversation.    It is time to close the BANK and to figure out as a family how to continue on so all members feel okay with the individual and family decisions.  And then it is time to CELEBRATE as a Family as each person realizes their needs, wants, and dreams.

STOP THE FIGHTING, START SHARING YOUR NEEDS, WANTS, AND DREAMS

BEGIN TO REALIZE AS A FAMILY THAT CLOSING THE BANK OF MOM AND DAD IS A GOOD THING!

SONY DSC

http://www.empowerexcellencewithjan.com

Clo$ing the Bank of Mom (& Dad)….

The Money Conflict

The Money Conflict

It is a blizzardy day in Northern Ohio, the day after Christmas! A day to take a deep breath, take a nap, and take time to think about the holidays of 2012 which have not only blown out your patience, your stamina, and your refrigerator but also your bank account. Not everyone suffers all of this post-Christmas trauma; but many more than admit it do suffer one or all of these post-Christmas traumas!

It starts when your children are just babies, not even toddlers, and you just love, love, love them, and you want them to have everything their little hearts could ever desire, whether or not they know that they want any of it –more often than not it is the parents who want, want, want for their progeny. It is a sign of a “good” parent many think to provide, provide, and provide some more for their children. It is a source of pride that there are so many things under, around, and in the Christmas tree. But then it doesn’t stop with Christmas…

Then there are birthdays, which today apparently have become extravaganzas lasting many, many, many hours and sometimes more than one day! The tab for these “birthday parties” many times approach not only hundreds of dollars but thousands of dollars. But then it doesn’t stop with birthdays, either…

Many times many parents continue to be the bank account or the ATM for their children as they grow and grow and grow through high school, through college, and into adulthood. Weddings are too big for this blog to even discuss…

Mom and Dad are always there to provide additional cash when needed. It is a habit that once it starts takes many years to break. You love your children, you want to give them whatever they want no matter how enabling you become. In the process, while you may cringe when you see “the ask” coming, you begin to give financial support to make yourself feel better. After all, you love your children throughout their lives, don’t you? To say “no”, oh my gosh, my children will think I don’t care about them, that I don’t love them! The feeling drags your self esteem into levels lower than any of us can tolerate. If I don’t help them, what kind of parent am I?

I have a saying that “your children are your children forever”! It does not matter how old they are, they are still your children. But that doesn’t mean that you are always able to provide financial assistance; and, in many cases, it would be better that you don’t provide that financial boost! And, if you decide you can’t or won’t, it does not mean that you do not love them. It may mean that you love them a whole lot more and want them to become financially independent; it may mean that you need to become financially free from your children!

Do you want to become free financially?

Do you want to close the bank of mom (& dad)? Many families struggling with this conflict, this tug-of-war over money, have looked to me as a financial professional over the years to help them in finding a resolution. It is a very common family issue, and on Saturday, January 12th, the first “CLOSING THE BANK OF MOM (&DAD) program will be held — be there to start 2013 off “freer”! See http://www.empowerexcellencewithjan.com for details.