At the Miller Nature Preserve here in Lorain County, life transforms all of the time with their butterfly gardens. I am oh so glad that I captured these photos last summer because it is a photo such as this that will get me through the remaining weeks of 2017! With the holidays and changing family dynamics, with Mercury Retrograde up until December 22, and with my body finally letting go of what might have been any one of multiple diagnoses since Halloween, I still have days of almost no activity (compared to my normal energy levels), and I welcome them because it is all a part of the total healing.
When I moved to Oberlin from Westlake, Ohio in March, I was burned out. It was Spring, and that was good because I walked, wandered, and explored as I really began an inward journey to find who I was at this time in my life. Summer became hectic, and the new roles did not always fit. By Fall, I became ill, and it has taken weeks to initially “let go” and then to “rediscover” and “just be”. I know what caused the Spirit to crash and burn, and I know what it is taking to come back to me!
This has been a major transition geographically, emotionally, and spiritually as well as mentally and professionally! I am on the path, but there has been much carnage left behind. The proverb “just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly…” sits on the table next to my bed, and it was there this morning, following a good deal of anxiety that my eyes came to rest. I am facing “aging” as the oldest of three female siblings. I am youthful in every way, but I am not of the same cloth as my two sisters. We are very different, and that is fine, but as we age, the differences for me are way too different for peaceful times together. I will not digress, but I will say that I am fine without sharing the Christmas holiday with them. Enough said. I have my family, a son in Tampa who I wish could be here for Christmas, a son and daughter in law locally with their two little boys–that is what Christmas is about this year!
One of the sisters, even though invited, has not been able to find the time to visit me in Oberlin in the 9 months I have lived here. And the forever best friend has either outgrown me or I have outgrown her because she can never find her way west, and I have given up on being the social connector for us. There is always something that prevents her from keeping the dates we set. Once again, enough said. So, the following is really applicable today as I contemplate the years that I have left, and they are many, but they are changing with the aging process… I really feel this way, that, while people do not like change, they really do not like it when one of the caterpillars becomes a butterfly, ready to fly, So, I am now finding other butterflies who understand “flying” and “soaring”, no matter how old, no matter how much money it takes, and no matter how few “old” friends remain — for no matter how long!