Sometimes dreams interrupt the flow of life…and that is what this morning’s blog is about…a short but sweet story about a dream about my maternal grandmother, Mae Murray Gleeson. Mae died in 1959. Simply died following the death of my grandfather. Alcoholism was rampant in their family. It contributed to all of their deaths, directly or indirectly. I was never close to Mae. I saw her a lot but I was never close. She was not a typical grandmother. There were no hugs, no kisses, no trips to parks. There was just my mother’s obligatory bus trips to see her every week accompanied by my sister, Joyce, and me. It was an obligatory visit. No need to go deeper into it because they were a very dysfunctional family with lots and lots of drama, but very little love.
My dream revolved around the death notice in current time of Mae. I was thrown into immediate confusion in the dream, and now, because Mae had died years ago. Or did she? Was this just another lie, or was this a symbolic death. Condolences flowed from friends and acquaintances because they did not know that she had died in 1959.
This dream was the final letting go of my mother and her family. It is time with all of the transitions I am experiencing right now. I am leaving a lot behind me as of March 1, but, in reality, I am leaving a lot behind right now. There was no support of me or my life accomplishments from my mother or her family. I am giving up the concept that my grandmother, and my mother, were loving and supportive folks because they were not. There is no judgment because I know their stories, and they became what they became. They did not choose, but I choose to let go, and I am moving on without that history lurking in the background any more. That is one of the reasons dreams happen…it is time to let go.
Mae Murray Gleeson, my grandmother, and Virginia Mae Gleeson, my mother, may they both rest in peace…in their reality and in my life and dreams.