Yes, making decisions is easy. Even making a commitment for me is fairly easy; and success comes in one way or another. It would be so easy if we were the only ones involved in our world to “Decide. Commit. Succeed.” But we aren’t. It would be so easy to love everyone who crosses our path, but sometimes they make it very difficult. But I do it anyway. What I am trying to convey this afternoon is that we are all connected, and those connections often stop us in our tracks to “Decide. Commit. Succeed.” They are the side trips that distract us. So, we keep on going…
That is where the love and joy come into play. Sometimes we create our own frustrating situations in the best intention. Sometimes we would be better off if we did not create a special situation for someone to help them in a rough spot. I have learned, and continue to learn, there is a difference between help and enabling. When help becomes entitlement to the recipient, it is definitely enabling. While enabling is usually “to help”, it many times becomes resentment on the part of the giver. It would have been best not “to help” in the beginning. That sounds harsh but it is even harsher when the situation I had created turns into entitlement, and that entitlement becomes messy because the recipient is not respecting the giver/receiver relationship that has developed over time. That disrespect becomes disappointment and resentment for me; but, more than that, I am a decisive person. When I make a decision, I commit, and I succeed. That is a behavior pattern that has brought me to where I am in my business. I keep my word. Period.
I love helping people; it brings joy to both the giver, me, and the recipient. I love the look of joy in the recipient’s eyes! I love helping them.
But then, when the help becomes taken for granted, and the person has not been able to extricate themselves from the situation that created the need of help, and the situation becomes problematic, the enabling behavior has to stop. It just becomes time for it to stop. It is not always easy, but it is always the right decision. Unfortunately, it has a negative effect on the relationship between giver and receiver.
So, here I am on a Friday afternoon, making a decision, making a commitment, and facing new success. My decision is to no longer enable no matter how much I care. I am committing to that because I do not want to feel this resentment and disappointment ever again. I hope that my decision will be short-lived disappointment for the receiver that led to this decision, and I hope they themselves will decide to commit to their own success.