What If I Am Still a Child? The Journey to 104+!

Happy Stick Figure Women

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO START ALL OVER!

REALLY, THERE IS NO WAY BUT TO BEGIN AGAIN.

WHEN I WAS BORN, I CAME TO EARTH WITH A MISSION.

THAT WAS FORGOTTEN AS MY PARENTS BECAME INVOLVED.

THEN MY GRANDMOTHER FROM POLAND BECAME INVOLVED.

THEN I HAD A SISTER.

THEN MY AUNTS AND UNCLES BECAME INVOLVED.

ENTERED ALCOHOLISM THROUGH THEM INTO MY YOUNG LIFE.

DYSFUNCTION BECAME APPARENT AS I BECAME MORE AWARE OF THE WORLD.

MY MOTHER WAS DYSFUNCTIONAL THROUGH NO FAULT OF HER OWN.

SHE RAISED HER TWO BROTHERS AND SISTER BECAUSE HER PARENTS WERE ALCOHOLIC.

MY GRANDFATHER FOR SURE, MY GRANDMOTHER WITH THE YELLOW SKIN, WHO EVENTUALLY DIED OF A LIVER SITUATION OF SOME SORT, WAS MORE THAN LIKELY ALSO ALCOHOLIC, BUT MORE THE CLOSET TYPE!

ONE UNCLE MARRIED, HAD CHILDREN, DISAPPEARED; HE EVENTUALLY DIED EARLY OF ALCOHOL RELATED ISSUES.

OTHER UNCLE NEVER MARRIED BUT HAD A “WIFE” AND A CHILD AND DISAPPEARED AND EVENTUALLY ALSO DIED, ALCOHOL IS A SILENT KILLER.

SO THERE I WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL, AND I BEGAN TO NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE AT OUR HOUSE.  FRIENDSHIPS WERE DIFFICULT BECAUSE I WAS NO DUMMY…MY FRIENDS DID NOT HAVE THE SAME TYPE OF FAMILY I HAD.

YES, I HAD A FATHER WHO FOREVER TRIED TO COVER UP THE SITUATION BECAUSE THE GRANDMOTHER FROM POLAND DID NOT LIKE MY MOTHER OF IRISH DESCENT WITH DRUNKEN BROTHERS AND FATHER.  MY FATHER’S ROLE WAS TO KEEP THE PEACE AND KEEP ME FROM ASKING THE QUESTIONS ABOUT WHY THINGS HAPPENED IN OUR HOUSE.

AS MY MOTHER PROGRESSED, SHE DID NOT REALLY KNOW HOW TO BE A MOTHER BECAUSE SHE NEVER HAD A TRUE MOTHER.  SHE WAS A NARCISSIST, NEVER DIAGNOSED UNTIL IN HER 80’S, BUT I WAS ALWAYS “IN TROUBLE” BECAUSE I KEPT ASKING THE QUESTIONS, LIKE “WHY DOESN’T MOM GET HELP?”

AND THEN THERE WAS ANOTHER SISTER, UNPLANNED, AND DEPENDING UPON ME TO RAISE HER IN AS NORMAL A FASHION AS I COULD–I WAS A CHILD MYSELF.

AND THAT IS WHERE THE STORY OF MY CHILDHOOD ENDED.  AFTER THAT IT WAS PURE SURVIVAL.  THE MIDDLE SISTER GOT LEFT IN THE FRAY, BUT SHE OVERACHIEVED IN SCHOOL TO MAKE UP FOR IT, LEAVING ME AS THE “NOT SO SMART” SISTER.  BUT IT ALSO LEFT A LIFELONG, UNSEALABLE CHASM BETWEEN THE TWO OF US.

FAST FORWARD TO NOW, AS I BEGIN MY JOURNEY TO 104+.  I HAVE A LOT OF GROWING UP TO DO, SO I AM STARTING NOW AS I BEGIN THE JOURNEY TO 104+!  CARE TO JOIN ME.  IF YOU CAN RELATE TO ANY OF THIS, WE CAN GROW UP. I WILL GROW UP AND BECOME HAPPIER, HEALTHIER, AND ABLE TO FULFILL MY MISSION I HAD WHEN I ENTERED THE EARTH FROM MY MOTHER’S WOMB.

BE THANKFUL I AM NOT GOING INTO THE STORY OF MY TIME IN THE WOMB!

ON TO 104+!

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