it has taken me years to become who I am. No surprise in that. It feels really good to be me… I can do things today that would have really bothered me years ago, months ago:
Forgetting my earrings would have sent me back to the house to get them
Styling my hair every day
Never going without makeup
Attending a social event without my nails being perfectly polished
Wearing an outfit twice in a week
Having the perfect gift for someone
Being different from everyone else in the room
Spending an extended period of time wit my ex-husband
Being quiet when everyone else is jabbering away
Leaving an event when it just is plain boring
Expressing my unpopular opinion with ease
Telling someone gently when they are just wrong in their behavior
I believe a lot of this freedom, and it is freedom, comes with getting older and with letting go of EGO.
And I welcome that freedom from EGO
But there is more to it than that. So much of what we do is to keep up with others, and that is pretentious. Keeping up an image that is not us, but our EGO tells us we must do this and we must do that. So much of this is materialism instead of doing what we feel is the absolute right thing for us to do. I try to keep my personal life personal and out of this blog, but I must depart from that today. I am very lucky to have two wonderful sons, a good daughter-in-law, and a beautiful grandson who recently celebrated a birthday, his first birthday experience. As another guest expressed about the party experience that day, “How are you going to reach this level of entertaining next year?” It was a beautiful production inspired by Disney, but it was a little over the top. It was months in planning and production. The guests even to an extent followed the theme, and everyone’s expectations of themselves were demonstrated in the gifts given. It was a wildly extravagant first birthday party given with total love.
Having reached a different point in my life, three years into being an entrepreneur, I did drag out my appropriate Disney shirt, I made a wonderful dish that I knew my son would love, I wrote my check for a large amount for me (a year ago, I would not have been able to write this check!), I did not have time to do my nails, and off I went to the party. Relatives of my ex-husband were there–had not seen them in years, ex-husband and his significant other were there, my daughter-in-law’s family was there. The food was great–an extravagant spread with an over-the-top cake. But the guest of honor, my grandson was most intrigued by a plastic water bottle, a crinkly drink cup, and a simple ball that was a gift. But the hit were the balloons. He is 12 months old. This production will give him great memories in photos, but he will not remember this. I will remember following him up the stairs to his bedroom where he went to the diapers and looked up at me–he needed changing, and we accomplished that. I will remember him reaching his arms up to me when I arrived. I will remember him demolishing a cupcake and cleaning him up after that. He is precious, and everyone agrees on that. He is loved by all. He learned about ripping open packages, so many packages with so many toys to add to the so many toys he already has. But his favorite current toy is a big empty peanut can stuffed with empty water bottles that make an excellent noise when you shake it.
My gift to him was the check to be added to his college fund. I like to call it his “Future Fund”. And I will be his advocate through his life and be there to support him in his “Future” whether that includes college or not. He is a budding flower. No matter how he blooms, I believe in his potential without all of the hoopla and materialistic demonstrations. The most important gifts given to him were gifts of love and belief in his potential.
Part of my morning is a daily reading from a favorite person of mine, Tama Kieves. I would like to quote her this morning which led to this blog and really demonstrated that our being someone other than who we are takes away from who we really are:
“It takes so much energy to impersonate what you think others want you to be. It’s so tiring to keep up an appearance or role. Why not drop the effort to impress or hide? Honesty is exciting. Want more stamina and kick in your life? Strop propping up something that doesn’t stay up on its own. “
Drop the effort and just be you, be real, and let those around you begin to be real, too!